Unsolicited Parenting Advice from a Gay Man with No Kids

That kid up there - his head is so big because it's full of observations. His eyes are probably bulging because he cannot believe what he just saw.

This past week was a bit of a rough one. I would have returned to work, which was a tougher pill to swallow than banana-flavoured medicine. I sat in a pool of self-doubt and uncertainty with no cocktails. A week was enough of that angst and I am starting this week with a renewed energy and drive towards that brighter side of life I dream of. 

The only thing I missed was hearing the stories of parents and their children. Two weeks, at home with their kids, during a major holiday, always produced lingering conversations in the kitchenette while our coffees brewed. If you want to avoid working, just talk to someone about their kids. Many hours were spent listening to stories about odd habits of children, from what they eat to what they wear to why they smell the way they do. 

While I am sans children, I like to hear the struggles parents face with the every whim of their offspring. It gave me an idea for a book that I have lingered with for a while. 

One day, while listening to why a friend's child only eats one shape of breaded chicken fingers, I could not help but form an opinion. This was debated between the parents, with tale stacked on top of tale about what they face in the kitchen. I interjected, calling out the fact that she basically has become a short-order cook. The retort was swift, but accurate: "how would you know? You don't have kids." True, I do not. The world is not ready for a child I would raise.

But the idea came to me: a parenting advice book from a childless adult. My aim is to share unfiltered thoughts on childrearing that bond childless adults and parents in a safe, silly space. Like most of what I say, you should not take this seriously. I cannot keep plants alive and I am the beta to Phil's alpha when it comes to raising Agatha. I ignore my sister's requests for no more toys to be gifted to my nephew/Godson with the massive floor piano from Big. When a child wants to laugh and play, I am your fun guncle. When your child starts to cry or is wet/stained/smells, I am unavailable until further notice.

As a childless adult, am I in a position to comment on other's choices in an area I have no experience in? Sure, why not? I, like everyone, form their own opinion and believe it needs to be shared. My sense of humour can be cutting and direct - I have a sharp wit. A ridiculous response to a broad topic such as parenting does not always account for the minutia that comes from raising children. But hey, why not have a good laugh?

While I job hunt, meal plan, dog cuddles and continue agonizing over what to do for my 40th birthday, I am on the prowl for some assistance with this project. Here is what I am looking for:

• Parents who have stories to share about their daily lives. I am looking for the shit you have to wade through, literally and metaphorically, and the nuances, quirks and habits of your child(ren) that makes you simultaneously cringe and coo over the miracle of life.
• Adult children who want to digress about the choices their parents made. Things that occurred, or still are occurring, that make you question how you made it as far as you have.
• Childless adults who want to share their observations that set you off on temper tantrums in a cereal aisle as much as the next kid

I want to cover a broad range of topics: education, technology, travel, food and nutrition, sports (I have a lot of thoughts on this, based on my own experiences), popular culture, etiquette and so on.

If you are interested in sharing your thoughts, give me a shout. These can be calls, coffee chats, or if needed, a smash room. You can email me through my contact form or slide into my DMs. Everything you say is between us, until it gets written and published. In which case, make sure you have an alias you want to use.